Friday, February 27, 2009

Birth Control

My Mom is at my house for the week. So last night, we were watching ER together, which is something that rarely happens now, but was a regular thing for us when we lived in the same house. This also brings me to my favorite parenting moment of all times. My Mom and I were watching ER, I was probably 16 or so (and still a virgin, as I was pretty much invisible to the opposite sex at that age). There was a pregnant teen on the show, so she turns to me and goes “I’ll kill you if you get pregnant before you graduate college.” That’s it. And, that was about as condemning as she got about things like sex, drinking and drugs. Unlike in most households, we were never told that you shouldn’t drink or do drugs or have sex while a teenager. It was a behavior that while not 100% accepted, was an expected part of life. It was a pretty good way to grow up. I didn’t feel any guilt about my decisions, or lack thereof. But, I knew that if I was stupid enough to get pregnant, I’d be the one who would have to deal with it. I felt totally comfortable going to my doctor and getting on the Pill when I was 17, because I knew I didn’t have to hide the pills from my parents, nor would they go through my stuff in an attempt to find out what I was doing. I don’t know how the birth control topic was covered with my middle two siblings, but with Liam, the youngest, the mantra has pretty much become “no glove, no love.”

Monday, February 16, 2009

Why I Am A Bad Driver


March 10, 2008

Seriously. I am a sane person. But, today, I totally lost my shit. LOST IT. Because of the asshole Michigan blue hair driver in the grandma car that was going like 35 on the highway. And, I was stuck behind her, and all I wanted to do was get in the next lane so that I wouldn't get stuck on the 101. Totally boxed in, big ass trucks on one side, exit lane on the other, old lady in front of me, dragging, because my car lacks the necessary pick-up (it's a 2001 Ford Focus. Do Not Mock It.) to quickly change lanes. I was so mad. I just started yelling, and making angry jazz hands at her. I could actually feel my blood pressure thudding in my ears, it was that bad. Finally, I was able to get into the left lane, right before the exit, and make my way home, but it put me in a bad mood.

Jan 16, 2008

Read here for an informative definition of the term "Masshole" if you are unsure:

This morning, I was stuck in traffic. Apparently, somewhere on the Phoenix Grid, an armored truck had run into some problems, and fucked up traffic for the entire metro valley. Luckily, I live in the West Valley, and travel to the Central/East Valley for work, so I missed the worst of it. I only hit the a small part, right at Baseline, at the 10/60 interchange. I needed to get on the 60, going East. And this my friends, was where my experience with a true Masshole begins, out here in lovely Arizona.

Getting on the highway itself was a bitch. I was stuck in at least 5 light changes, because the traffic just wasn't moving up the on-ramp. Finally, I get on the ramp, and start going up. I get to the flat part, and thankfully, it looks like once I get past the clusterfuck of those trying to get on the 10 or 60 West, I should be OK. So, I hug the right side of the road, and manage to scoot past the people who are trying to get into the parking lot of traffic going nowhere. Out of nowhere pops a Volvo, driven by a female. She cuts me off, which I'm totally fine with, because if I was stuck in that mess, I'd also jump out at the first opening I had. I'm behind her now, and notice the swoopy U that signifies a UMass Alumni. Well, I'm a UMass Alumni, and I too have a swoopy U on my car. Mine is maroon, since I went to Amherst. This one I notice is blue, which is UMass Lowell. You don't see many of those. I expect it's either because people don't actually manage to graduate from UMass Lowell, or else, they're really not proud of the fact that they went to school in Lowell. So, then, this chick really proves that she picked up some driving tips in Lowell, or else, she's a Masschusetts native. She's driving along, going fine, and then, right where the ramp to the 60 East breaks off, SHE TRIES TO NOSE BACK INTO THE TRAFFIC FOR THE 10!!!! Amazing. Masshole move at it's finest.

I Hate Continental Airlines

A Repost about a bad flight home from Massachusetts last summer (2008)

The Return Trip Home
Aka Continental Airlines SUCKS
By Kara Keenan
Continental Airlines is quite possibly the worst airline in the US, and perhaps even the world. This is evidenced by the fact that on Sunday, June 29th, I was left stranded in Newark, NJ with my 11 month old child, as were 23 other people who were on my flight. Continental refused to accommodate any of our requests, or to make the unanticipated stay easy on any of us.
Here's what happened. The original flight out of Boston was delayed 2.5 hours, because of storms over NYC. We were told that the connection to the Phoenix flight would be OK, because that plane was also delayed. The 5:30 PM flight left Boston at 7:55 PM. We got to New Jersey's airspace, and were put in a holding pattern over the airport. An announcement was made over the speakers that the gate had been changed so that we were landing at gate 82, right next to the Phoenix flight at gate 84. In addition, it was requested that the Phoenix passengers were to be allowed off the plane before everyone else. So we land, and make the dash to the next gate. The plane is still there. Luggage starts to go from one plane to the next. All is well in the world. Then, the evil man in the Red Coat says "sorry, the cabin door is shut, you can't get on the plane." He sends us to gate 90. Gate 90 is manned by a large, angry black woman who tells us that we have to go to the ticketing agents in order to be re-ticketed. During this time, the luggage is moved from the original plane to the plane going to Phoenix. Tricky Continental employees get the angry mob out of the area beyond security, and promptly shut down security for the night, making us stuck in the bowels of Newark airport. Not only that, the ticketing agents are totally unwilling and unable to accommodate any of us. In fact, we are blamed for getting to the gate too late to board the plane. I believe the exact words out of one of the ticketing agents mouth was "you got there too late to get on board, it's not our fault. You're lucky we're willing to re-ticket you free of charge." Not only that, but they are showing in the official records that the plane only left Boston 1 hour and 48 minutes late, leaving over a half hour for all of us to get to the gate. Which is not what actually happened. We got to the gate at 8:54 PM, and were denied boarding on a flight that was leaving at 9:15 PM. Their solution to fears that we would not be safe in their main terminal (terminal C at Newark, aka Hell) was that we move over to terminal B, because the food court stayed open all night, and that the floor cleaners would be coming through pretty frequently so people would be awake.
Luckily, my aunt and uncle were driving down from Boston to New Jersey that night, and picked Avery and me up at the airport. We spent the night at my uncle's sister's house. I at least got a shower and a bed, which is more than some people got. I got on a 10:55 AM flight from Newark to Atlanta, and then a 4:05 PM flight, on Air France no less, from Atlanta to Phoenix, finally arriving in Phoenix at 5:05 PM, Monday, June 30th, more than 24 hours after I originally set out to get home.
Because Continental was so obnoxious, evil, and just plain mean, I will never fly with them again. Seriously, if they had offered anything, I'd probably not hate them so much.

Repost From older blog- Bad With Geography

From 08/06/2008
The embarrassing conversation I had with my husband last night, while watching the Red Sox and Royals game-
Me: "So the Royals play in Canada right?"
Frank: "No, Kansas City. There's only one team in Canada."
Me: "Expos"
Frank: "No, they're gone. Try again."
Me: "Canadians"
Frank: "That's hockey. It's the Toronto Blue Jays"
Me: "I thought they were from upstate New York. Isn't Toronto by Buffalo or something?"
Frank: "How can you be a college graduate and not know that Toronto is in Canada?"
…………………10 Minutes Pass……………………………………………..
Me: "I looked up Toronto online, and it is by New York. It's a legitimate mistake to make."
Frank: "Yes, it's close to New York, but its still in CANADA." (at this point, he's frustrated with me and stops talking to me)