Why I Am A Bad Driver

Reposts

March 10, 2008

Seriously. I am a sane person. But, today, I totally lost my shit. LOST IT. Because of the asshole Michigan blue hair driver in the grandma car that was going like 35 on the highway. And, I was stuck behind her, and all I wanted to do was get in the next lane so that I wouldn't get stuck on the 101. Totally boxed in, big ass trucks on one side, exit lane on the other, old lady in front of me, dragging, because my car lacks the necessary pick-up (it's a 2001 Ford Focus. Do Not Mock It.) to quickly change lanes. I was so mad. I just started yelling, and making angry jazz hands at her. I could actually feel my blood pressure thudding in my ears, it was that bad. Finally, I was able to get into the left lane, right before the exit, and make my way home, but it put me in a bad mood.


Jan 16, 2008


Read here for an informative definition of the term "Masshole" if you are unsure: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masshole

This morning, I was stuck in traffic. Apparently, somewhere on the Phoenix Grid, an armored truck had run into some problems, and fucked up traffic for the entire metro valley. Luckily, I live in the West Valley, and travel to the Central/East Valley for work, so I missed the worst of it. I only hit the a small part, right at Baseline, at the 10/60 interchange. I needed to get on the 60, going East. And this my friends, was where my experience with a true Masshole begins, out here in lovely Arizona.

Getting on the highway itself was a bitch. I was stuck in at least 5 light changes, because the traffic just wasn't moving up the on-ramp. Finally, I get on the ramp, and start going up. I get to the flat part, and thankfully, it looks like once I get past the clusterfuck of those trying to get on the 10 or 60 West, I should be OK. So, I hug the right side of the road, and manage to scoot past the people who are trying to get into the parking lot of traffic going nowhere. Out of nowhere pops a Volvo, driven by a female. She cuts me off, which I'm totally fine with, because if I was stuck in that mess, I'd also jump out at the first opening I had. I'm behind her now, and notice the swoopy U that signifies a UMass Alumni. Well, I'm a UMass Alumni, and I too have a swoopy U on my car. Mine is maroon, since I went to Amherst. This one I notice is blue, which is UMass Lowell. You don't see many of those. I expect it's either because people don't actually manage to graduate from UMass Lowell, or else, they're really not proud of the fact that they went to school in Lowell. So, then, this chick really proves that she picked up some driving tips in Lowell, or else, she's a Masschusetts native. She's driving along, going fine, and then, right where the ramp to the 60 East breaks off, SHE TRIES TO NOSE BACK INTO THE TRAFFIC FOR THE 10!!!! Amazing. Masshole move at it's finest.